Parenting Is Overrated

“The multibillion-pound parenting industry tells us we can all shape our children to be joyful, resilient and successful. But what if it’s all bunk? Intelligence Squared brought together a panel of experts to explore just how important parenting is.”

“In the past, debates over the relative contributions of nature versus nurture often took a very one-sided approach, with one side arguing that nature played the most important role and the other side suggesting that it was nurture that was the most significant. Today, most experts recognize that both factors play a critical role. Not only that, but they also realize that nature and nurture interact in important ways all throughout life.”

“Genetics and genomics both play roles in health and disease. Genetics refers to the study of genes and the way that certain traits or conditions are passed down from one generation to another. Genomics describes the study of all of a person's genes (the genome).”

“We’re all terrified we’re going to mess up our kids. The science says we probably won’t have much impact at all.”

“Our survival instinct should undercut morality – but our mammalian brains pulled off an amazing evolutionary trick, says neurophilosopher Patricia Churchland”

“A researcher argues that peers are much more important than parents, that psychologists underestimate the power of genetics, and that we have a lot to learn from Asian classrooms.”

“There was a time where nature was all dominant, and then the pendulum swung back to nurture during the era of the “frigid mother.” In the 1960s and 1970s despite the ascendant anti-hereditarian paradigm in the social sciences the rapid emergence of the “working mom” through female labor force participation resulted in less supervision in kids in households where both parents were working.”

“Alphabet's longevity lab Calico trawled through Ancestry's massive genealogy database to study human longevity—and found that DNA matters less than people have long believed.”

More similarities than dissimilarities in the parenting of both parents emerged, although adding psychological control slightly enlarged the differences between the scores of mothers and fathers.”

“Studies suggest that kids thrive when parents are less bossy and punitive, and more focused on shaping good behavior through reasoning and positive emotions.”

“Twin studies tend to involve better-educated parents, so they might be missing effects at the lower end of the distribution. Studies that look at changes to compulsory-schooling laws, by contrast, tend to focus on this lower end and find stronger effects: Forcing someone to stay in school a little longer seems to have good effects not just on them, but also on their kids in the future, another sign that familial resemblance isn’t purely genetic.”

“In a comprehensive review of twin studies worldwide, which was published in Nature Genetics in 2015, researchers found that on average, environment and genetics have a 50/50 influence on a person's traits and disease. But certain conditions like bipolar disorder rely more heavily on genetics.”

“Because identical twins are the result of a single egg that splits into two, they share the same DNA and provide a perfect laboratory to answer age-old questions about the roles of genes and environment: Why does one twin get breast cancer and not the other? How does obesity increase one’s risk of Type 2 diabetes? Do genetics really determine whether you are more likely to own a gun or go to college?”

“While the genetic difference between individual humans today is minuscule – about 0.1%, on average – study of the same aspects of the chimpanzee genome indicates a difference of about 1.2%. The bonobo (Pan paniscus), which is the close cousin of chimpanzees (Pan troglodytes), differs from humans to the same degree. The DNA difference with gorillas, another of the African apes, is about 1.6%. Most importantly, chimpanzees, bonobos, and humans all show this same amount of difference from gorillas.”

“Annual child-rearing expenses varied considerably by household income level and generally increased with age of the child. For a child in a two-child (the standard in the United States), married-couple family with before-tax income less than $59,200, annual expenses ranged from $9,330 to $9,980 (depending on age of the child). For the same type of households with before-tax income between $59,200 and $107,400, annual expenses ranged from $12,350 to $13,900 (depending on age of the child). And for the same type of households with before-tax income over $107,400, annual expenses ranged from $19,380 to $23,380 (depending on age of the child). These income groups represent the lower, middle, and upper thirds of the income distribution.”

“Over the past six years, investors across the country have poured $500 million into companies playing in what can be thought of as “the new mom economy” — all the apps, gadgets, products and services targeting first-time Millennial parents with a child under the age of one.”

“This is why humans have “parenting”: there is a uniquely enormous gap between the human infant and the mature animal. That gap must be bridged, and it’s difficult to resist the conclusion that there must be many specific things adults need to get right in order to bridge it. This, in turn, is why there are parenting advice manuals – hundreds and hundreds of them, serving as an index of the changing ways we have worried about how we might mess up our children.”

“Modern parents have been sold a bill of goods by business leaders who want the best labor force in the history of the world, but don't want to pay for it.”

“But it's safe to say that your kids' long-term fate will not be meaningfully affected by the speed and timing of potty training, the brand of educational videos you purchase, or the precise tone of voice in which you discipline. A large proportion of the Parenting Industrial Complex isn't about kids — it's about generating content for nervous parents who feel like they should be doing something.”

“Despite these challenges, researchers have posited that there are links between parenting styles and the effects these styles have on children. These effects, some suggest, carry over into adult behavior.”

“Dr. Jack Shonkoff, Professor of Child Health and Development at Harvard University, shares his important play tips to boost your child’s brain. In the first 1,000 days of life, a baby’s brain forms 1,000 new connections every second. Just 15 minutes of play can spark thousands of brain.”

“But parents can help children become more willing to work hard, more perseverant, even more creative, he said. ‘We have this enormous amount of research on what kind of parenting produces the best effect.’”

“While debates about the best way to raise kids roars on, we can at least turn to history to see how many childrearing fads simply come and go. Hot housing, four-hour feeds, tiger mom, eagle mom, etc etc.”

“We tell ourselves we are preparing our sons to fight (literally and figuratively), to compete in a world and economy that’s brutish and callous. The sooner we can groom them for this dystopian future, the better off they’ll be. But the Harvard psychologist Susan David insists the opposite is true: ‘Research shows that people who suppress emotions have lower-level resilience and emotional health.’”

“Many families of killers are left to sort through their confusion and shock as some assume they are to blame.”

“SES affects overall human functioning, including our physical and mental health. Low SES and its correlates, such as lower educational achievement, poverty and poor health, ultimately affect our society. Inequities in health distribution, resource distribution, and quality of life are increasing in the United States and globally.”

“Minority students often perform better on standardized tests, have improved attendance, and are suspended less frequently (which may suggest either different degrees of behavior or different treatment, or both) when they have at least one same-race teacher.”

“In more than 700 communities across the country, teachers are supporting students of all ages — and their parents — outside the classroom. Even for the youngest children, the benefits can be profound.”

“Yet adopted children and their parents often encounter unexpected difficulties, especially when the child gets to school. Our analysis of newly-released data from the U.S. Department of Education shows just how prevalent learning and behavioral issues are among adopted students in elementary, middle, and high school.”

“Researchers have found that a child’s genes significantly influence their long-term performance in school – beyond even intelligence. How can this information be used to help students?”

“We need to take comfort from the existence of scientifically-grounded interventions, which in the hands of teachers with sufficient resources, can make a difference to the prospects of students who initially find the going in particular subjects tough.”

“Existing behavior-genetic research implicates substantial influence of heredity and modest influence of shared environment on reading achievement and reading disability.”

“Dyslexia, the most common learning disability, affects how students process and link spoken and written language. Educators and researchers have known for nearly a century that the reading disorder can run in families, but in the last 15 years, scientists have uncovered much more of the physical evidence for such a link.”